Deny, Deny, Deny. 

One of my many, many, coagulated defaults. No shame here about it. 

I needed this ability like I needed air to breathe and water to live. It was impossible for me to accept my circumstances growing up because a child isn’t meant to do that sort of thing alone, so my biology tried all the trigger settings we universally find in our nervous systems:

Be more open and loving (first biological response to pain)

When that doesn’t work: retreat, flee or get away

(though where’s a child really supposed to go?) OR fight (what to do when justified anger and rage isn’t acceptable?) 

The default is to then go into FREEZE. Deer in headlights. No where to run. Not possible to fight. The body and nervous system go offline in order to dull out such intense levels of energy that have nowhere to go. 

If this happens repeatedly over time?

Feeling and sensation, while just beneath the surface, disappear. Numbness, dissociation, detachment and emptiness become the figural form as identity.

All the previous layers become the ground, looming like sharks in dark waters ready to break through the surface at any moment yet unable to surface within the ever increasing pressurized cook of this holding pattern. 

How does one live with this in the world?

Fawn, Submit, People Please, Caretake

Living life like this is a way to function in a world that still at large has no idea about any of these stages. And what becomes of it? 

Walking, disembodied zombie parts, parts living for others needs and not their own, perfectionist parts that continuously feel on review, hyper vigilant parts that continuously scan for danger, robot parts that mechanically view the world without feeling love in their hearts. 

These parts become the PERSON we take into the world

when our bodies grow into adults and these child parts remain unattended to. 

These parts influence our relationships, our interactions, our day to day life, our businesses and as a result the entire world. 

We use to thing to deny something meant it went away. It doesn’t.

It only appears to go away yet, as mentioned above, remains lurking beneath the surface, influencing every decision and action we take as a human race. 

Deny. Deny. Deny.

If you are still doing it. There’s a good reason.

There was an incredible reason you learned how to do it. You needed it. 

But souls inhabiting adult bodies must learn (over tremendous, dedicated, meticulously detailed time) that healing is necessary and has to happen: that there is a wise friend (YOU) on your side. 

You have to face the pain. You have to listen deeply on the inside to what these parts didn’t get. To the debilitating process of defaulting over and over again. To the devastating experience of living life offline. To truly live now, we have to give words back to the child who had no words to the loss of being alive. This is your one job. This job alone will naturally change your life and change the world. 

Love, Jen 

P.S I hope you enjoyed this article! Please like and share with those who will find it helpful :)

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