How to Know When to Take Action on a Desire or Wait for More Guidance
Hi there friends!
This week I’m sharing a podcast with you on one of the most common I receive from clients and students:
How do I know when to take action on a desire or goal versus wait for more guidance from my higher self?
Have a listen and let me know what you think!
Major Themes:
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There is tension between waiting and listening to your intuition vs. taking action
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It’s not comfortable
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The difference between basic human tension and battlefield intensity tension
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Transparency regarding my own process choosing my ideal client
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What do we normally do to numb out from the discomfort?
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Instant gratification and instant relief as a way to distract from the discomfort
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Some questions to ponder to give you more insights into your own process
Let me know in the comments what came up for you! xo, Jen
https://f.convertkit.com/def0085359/1391a36671.js
Breaking Down Imposter Syndrome: The Energy Leak of Denial. How it Helps and Keeps Us Stuck in Life and Biz
Deny, Deny, Deny.
One of my many, many, coagulated defaults. No shame here about it.
I needed this ability like I needed air to breathe and water to live. It was impossible for me to accept my circumstances growing up because a child isn’t meant to do that sort of thing alone, so my biology tried all the trigger settings we universally find in our nervous systems:
Be more open and loving (first biological response to pain)
When that doesn’t work: retreat, flee or get away
(though where’s a child really supposed to go?) OR fight (what to do when justified anger and rage isn’t acceptable?)
The default is to then go into FREEZE. Deer in headlights. No where to run. Not possible to fight. The body and nervous system go offline in order to dull out such intense levels of energy that have nowhere to go.
If this happens repeatedly over time?
Feeling and sensation, while just beneath the surface, disappear. Numbness, dissociation, detachment and emptiness become the figural form as identity.
All the previous layers become the ground, looming like sharks in dark waters ready to break through the surface at any moment yet unable to surface within the ever increasing pressurized cook of this holding pattern.
How does one live with this in the world?
Fawn, Submit, People Please, Caretake
Living life like this is a way to function in a world that still at large has no idea about any of these stages. And what becomes of it?
Walking, disembodied zombie parts, parts living for others needs and not their own, perfectionist parts that continuously feel on review, hyper vigilant parts that continuously scan for danger, robot parts that mechanically view the world without feeling love in their hearts.
These parts become the PERSON we take into the world
when our bodies grow into adults and these child parts remain unattended to.
These parts influence our relationships, our interactions, our day to day life, our businesses and as a result the entire world.
We use to thing to deny something meant it went away. It doesn’t.
It only appears to go away yet, as mentioned above, remains lurking beneath the surface, influencing every decision and action we take as a human race.
Deny. Deny. Deny.
If you are still doing it. There’s a good reason.
There was an incredible reason you learned how to do it. You needed it.
But souls inhabiting adult bodies must learn (over tremendous, dedicated, meticulously detailed time) that healing is necessary and has to happen: that there is a wise friend (YOU) on your side.
You have to face the pain. You have to listen deeply on the inside to what these parts didn’t get. To the debilitating process of defaulting over and over again. To the devastating experience of living life offline. To truly live now, we have to give words back to the child who had no words to the loss of being alive. This is your one job. This job alone will naturally change your life and change the world.
Love, Jen
P.S I hope you enjoyed this article! Please like and share with those who will find it helpful :)
And if you’ve found yourself doing the continuous head nod during this post, you may find my Confident CEO Assessment helpful.
It will assess the 4 areas where Imposter Syndrome shows up, one of them being TIME!
P.P.S. We’ve got a lovely group of women already invested in the November Confident CEO Mastery 4 week class “Let go of Self Doubt + Step Into Your Calling”. It starts this Monday, November 5th!
It’s such an important course I’ve created.
You have gifts.
They are meant to be shared.
Period.
If you are finding that second guessing yourself, indecision and fear of visibility are affecting you from rising up into your full self, check out all the details for this November here: bit.ly/CEOMasteryExperience ⭐️🙌🏼
6 Secrets Exposing the Myth “There isn’t enough time”.
Do you ever feel like there just isn’t enough time?
Or have this guilty feeling, like you are somehow wasting away what time you have?
Cue the music . . .
Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
Fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way.
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way.
“Time” by Pink Floyd
Or ever felt like Hootie?
“Time why you punish me
Like a wave bashing into the shore
You wash away my dreams
Time why you walk away
Like a friend with somewhere to go
You left me crying
Can you teach me 'bout tomorrow
And all the pain and sorrow running free
'Cause tomorrow's just another day
And I don't believe in time”.
“Time” by Hootie & the Blowfish
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Seriously though, one of the common concerns/struggles that clients often share is how to manage their time.
Either they always feel like they are running out of it or it feels like different interests and demands compete for their time. They just can’t seem to figure out how to do it “all”.
Between full time jobs, relationships, chores, family events, hobbies and passions: add in a part time job, side gig or a desire for full-time self employment and it can often feel like it’s all just too much to handle (and too much to ask for!)
The good news is time is an illusion (heh heh). I know, I know, you’re probably thinking, “thanks Jen for the trite spiritual statement but how does that help me when I have all these things I want to do and have to do?”
I shall answer: have you ever noticed how time feels relative? It can go by very fast when we are doing something we love and it can drag on when we are doing something that bores us. It can haunt us when are dreading something or slip through our fingers when we are saying a goodbye or see you next time.
Time being relative and an illusion is actually a really good thing because it means that there is more to life than what is going on at the surface. Time isn’t what it seems and what we make it seem at the same time.
The fears we have around time are actually evidence of an energy leak that’s been created from listening to the voices of fear and self doubt, instead of listening to the voice of our True Self.
When we start to recognize what is actually fear and also that there’s a place within us which guides us along our path, it gets easier to let go of control of time.
We begin to accept that timing isn’t up to us and it doesn’t have to be. We start to examine and release more of our beliefs about time and practice building trust in what our true path is and the steps that are laid out in front of us.
We can learn how to discern between what feels right to us and what is just the illusion of time creating a distraction.
We can start to learn what it feels like to be in the flow, or what some people say “being in the right place, at the right time” or “it will happen in the right time.”
Ok enough of the spiritual-philosophical level- let’s get to the practical and concrete so we can integrate it with some of the above spiritual truths.
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How do we find balance between the demands of life and our passions?
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How do we make room for a new entrepreneurial path or career while we are still attached to other present day obligations?
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How do we stop using Time as an excuse or a distraction and instead look deeper at what is really going on, what we are choosing and what we are accepting as our status quo?
Let Go of All Or Nothing Thinking
It doesn’t have to be either/or. We are allowed to be multi-passionate beings with many interests and a slew of needs and desires. That’s what being human is all about. First and foremost, acknowledge that you have a lot of needs and desires and that it’s okay!
One Small Step It
Give a little to each. We forget that small steps add up to something. Have you ever heard of Kaizen? It’s the idea that continuously implementing tiny changes over time will lead to really big changes.
Instead of fighting with time, try giving your attention to several things that are important to you with smaller amounts of time. Maybe you can’t spend 4 hours working on developing your online business, but you can spend an hour 3x a week.
Maybe you don’t have the ability to take off from work for a vacation right now but you can take a half day and do something luxurious for yourself.
Releasing the Need for Instant Gratification
There is a very common illusion in this world and technology has contributed to it: the instant gratification factor. What looks like it takes an instant or what is an overnight success often takes people years and years to get to.
We can never get the full picture about someone else’s life and what steps it took them to get to where they are going unless they tell us. This is why it’s so important to keep talking about this stuff!
Stay in the Moment
Be mindful and in the moment when you are doing one thing. Trying to do many things at once without mindfulness will most certainly lead to that “chicken running with it’s head cut off” feeling.
Maybe you have several demands in a day: try to give your full attention to that 10 minute phone call and that when it’s time to get off and make lunch, really be present with the food and what it looks like, feels like and smells like. Then when you head into your car, instead of worry about the rest of your day, stay present. Take in the sounds, the surroundings, the way it feels to sit in your seat.
Examine What Your Reasons Are For Needing to Get It All Done NOW
This is often what holds us back from moving forward. Because of the perfectionism or all or nothing thinking that our mind likes to propel us in, we often think that if we can’t get “it” done now then we might as well not do it all.
I would be curious here. Is this really an emergency? Is there a reason that you are feeling impatient? Are you looking for instant gratification instead of a realistic timeline for what it is that you want?
Lower Your Expectations
This may seem contradictory to some of the earlier statements which suggested acknowledging all of your needs and sharing your attention. The key is, to do the above with curiosity, experimentation and surrender instead of the expectation that something has to get done which leads to driving or forcing yourself to take it all on.
It also means looking at any superhuman tendencies you are expecting of yourself. This is where perfectionism, imposter syndrome and proving yourself mode come in, consistently raising the bar and telling us we aren’t good enough . . . yet . . . but if we just do this next thing . . .
Yeah right! I call malarkey! When we constantly have parts of ourselves raising the bar will always feel less than if we listen to them. Which means we will constantly take on more than we can handle or beat ourselves up when we can’t do it all. Try choosing reasonable and realistic expectations for yourself instead and see what happens!
Trying out some of the above will have you feeling better. You might even find yourself getting exactly what the Rolling Stones were singing about!
“Timeeee is on my side, yes it is”
I hope you enjoyed this article! Please like and share with those who will find it helpful :)
And if you’ve found yourself doing the continuous head nod during this post, you may find my Confident CEO Assessment helpful.
It will assess the 4 areas where Imposter Syndrome shows up, one of them being TIME!
Jen
P.S. We’ve got a lovely group of women already invested in the November Confident CEO Mastery 4 week class “Let go of Self Doubt + Step Into Your Calling”.
We begin first week in November and it’s such an important course I’ve created.
You have gifts.
They are meant to be shared.
Period.
If you are finding that second guessing yourself, indecision and fear of visibility are affecting you from rising up into your full self, check out all the details for this November here: bit.ly/CEOMasteryExperience
Why the Work Hustle Doesn’t Work and What to do instead
As I sit here pondering what to share with you this week, the words stillness and surrender seem to keep arising in their many forms.
In a world that teaches us that we have to continually be doing, racing, chasing, forcing, making things happen, hustling . . . I have found quite the opposite to be true.
The more I do all of the above, the worse things get for me. It’s definitely an addiction. I’d say it’s my biggest one. Doing. And the telltale signs of it? Noticing how my inner critic jumps in when I practice doing nothing. It loves to dish out the shame and get me thinking I need to be more productive and show something for myself.
Pin it:
“The more I do all of the above, the worse things get for me. It’s definitely an addiction. I’d say it’s my biggest one. Doing.”
The more I let go of busying myself with the outside world while simultaneously listening to the inner callings within, the more my true self becomes who I identify with.
I remember reading stuff like what I just wrote and being fascinated, enthralled and at the same time mystified with a WTF is this person talking about?
The true self, (what same may call enlightenment or being awakened) seemed like this esoteric, exciting pinnacle of existence that I wanted to achieve.
I’d see humans with their writings online and I’d absorb their teachings. People like Burt Harding and Adyashanti and Pema Chodron.
And at the same time I felt they were special. I remember the first time I read an excerpt from Pema which described an experience she had where she was enraged from finding out her boyfriend was cheating on her and she took an expensive household item on display and threw it.
I remember reading that Adyashanti was married.
Or that Ram Dass decided to be single because being in a relationship was just too challenging for him. He didn’t like how relationships pulled him out of his communion with God and honestly shared, he wasn’t up for the challenges required of being in a romantic relationship .
It was comments like these that had me at first feeling confused, these spiritual teachers have feelings and problems and relationships?
Eventually I understood more deeply the very real and accessible nature of the true self and how it’s a journey for everyone. That it’s right here. It’s in this day, in this body, in this moment.
That spiritual teachers are just humans.
That it isn’t an all or nothing experience- it actually is full of levels and spirals and different shades.
That the true self isn’t an experience to be achieved or attained- it is who we really are and we don’t have to do anything to get to it. All we have to do is keep looking at what isn’t the true self with compassion and nonjudgment.
It is right here, in this moment.
Pin it:
“It does not mean that I don’t take action.
It means that I take action from a place of nondoing.
At first this nondoingness is a literal need to just sit here and not move from this spot until I get my nervous system regulated.”
This is why I teach a different approach to assisting women in stepping into their calling.
It’s one that includes a lot of rest, a lot of contemplation, reflection and nondoing.
I find that as I practice the teachings I share with others, this is the way for me.
It does not mean that I don’t take action.
It means that I take action from a place of nondoing.
At first this nondoingness is a literal need to just sit here and not move from this spot until I get my nervous system regulated.
It could look like sitting in a meditation or visualization for an hour as I wait for pains, aches, skin crawly sensations and gut wrenching feelings to pass.
It could be throwing my legs up onto stacks of pillows as I let fresh oxygenated blood come into my core as I can feel the energy returning to my body.
Eventually, this physical nondoing, or what Pema Chodron refers to as, holding your seat, starts to emerge even while I’m doing.
I can pause in the middle of something, and feel the spaciousness, stillness and presence.
I can notice when it doesn’t feel that way and realize I have to stop, pause, potentially for long lengths of time and trust that I will be guided to act again once the awareness of my true self returns.
I do believe that we have to take actions in order to live according to our deepest calling.
However, I do not believe that those actions are in our own timing.
What do I mean by this? I mean that it is the timing of our true self.
When we are aligned with our True Self, actions will feel open, spacious, uplifting and warm.
When we are aligned with fear, or our over or under regulated nervous system, we will feel tense, forceful, driven, exhausted or rushed.
We can take whatever actions we want, however, when we take actions that are aligned with our true self, they will be actions that reap the longterm reward of peace and outcomes better than our surface desires.
When we take actions outside of this centered self, we often find ourselves more stressed, run down and potentially out of commission for days, months or years. You can find out more which areas of your life and biz these actions are showing up by taking my simple Confident CEO Assessment here.
This is not to judge when we do make choices outside of the true self.
It is a natural human journey to keep deciding and then to get to know our true self better.
This is what I teach in my upcoming course, Confident CEO Mastery. It is not another course to arm and guard you to move forward on your journey with more steel to protect you and make the outside world “work” for you.
It is a course that will allow you tap more deeply into your innermost strength, your foundation of Self so that you can develop a life and business that is aligned with who you truly are and what you truly want.
We will discuss the natural progression of stepping into your calling, so that you have a roadmap to understand what is going on.
We will learn how to trust our highest selves through finding out what our highest self is not. We will discover how to make choices without draining energy.
We will take the shame and judgment off of self abandonment and soulbreak which keep us disconnected from our lifeforce and our calling.
We will understand the archetypes of the empowered woman and how to embody these energies while living lives in relationships, professionally and with our to- do lists.
It is a course not to do more, but to release more. It is meant honor you, your rhythms and nurture you from the inside out.
To find out more about the upcoming 4 week online experience in November, you can find all of the details here.
You can also reply with a comment and I am happy to answer any questions!
Lot’s of love my friends,
Jen
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How to recognize + let go of self consciousness while running a business
As a teen, I always felt like I needed to prove myself.
I didn’t see myself. I didn’t believe in myself. I felt safest being useful, hypervigilant & stoic.
I was confused and self conscious with a need to fit in and compare myself with others.
Can you relate??
All of my clients eventually crack into their inner teenager at some point.
Why?
Because it's a super difficult age where everyone is self conscious but pretends not to be.
Because most teens don't know that adolescence is awkward and uncomfortable.
And because we all end up storing this experience in our nervous system because we most likely didn't receive guidance ushering us through it .
Or weren't given the skills and understanding on how to navigate it.
Did you know the teenage brain doesn’t have a fully formed complex thinking capability to step back from intense emotions?
In addition to the normal discomfort that came along with being a teenager, I actually wasn’t being seen. Many of us aren't.
I didn't have anyone to talk to about my feelings.
My brain was processing things developmentally at a new level and I didn't know how to interpret all the information (boys, self doubt, shame, depression, family expectations, progressive family dysfunction).
And I wasn't supposed to know how!
I would be nominated for the gifted & talented program, win awards, have boys asking me out and because what was on the INSIDE wasn’t being seen, I couldn't absorb any of it.
I became a shell filled with worry, overthinking, shame and doubt. It didn’t matter how many successes I had or how things might have looked on the outside, it wasn’t possible for me to see myself clearly.
The doubt & shame were like big funhouse tinted mirrors that distorted my entire world. And yet, simultaneously, they kept telling me it was my fault.
You might be wondering...
What does my teenage self have to do with showing up and being confident in business?
It actually has EVERYTHING to do with it.
I carried these ways of thinking for decades and found that these same patterns showed up in my jobs, in my relationships and definitely prevented me from getting visible earlier.
Long after my teenage years, I still felt like that same young girl who kept trying to show up, yet felt unfulfilled, stuck and trapped.
"What if I try this out and no one cares or wants to participate in my courses and retreats?"
"What if I keep spending money on trainings and I still get nowhere? "
"What if I get my hopes up again? There's probably no point because I'm just going to be disappointed"
"I'm just not cut out for this."
"I'm never going to figure this out."
The thoughts felt like an engine constantly running and sputtering beneath the surface.
The questions and the worries went on and on. I was caught in a self doubt cycle that I didn't know how to stop.
How do I stop feeling this way?
Why am I still thinking about that conversation?
How can I possibly share that?
What would it be like if I could just feel comfortable in my own skin?
Of course, then I’d burn out and have an emotional hangover of exhaustion, because I'd run out of fuel due to high intensity obsessive thought exertion and there was no adrenaline left to keep my body going.
It wasn't until:
I learned how to take care of her, how to release those old rules and fake lies about needing to hide that things started to shift.
I found a mentor who got me, who saw me, when no one else could see me and showed me the way to heal and the freedom to be myself.
I was given a clear step by step path to follow and the support to take me through the spiral of healing I would revisit continuously.
Take a moment to think back to your teenage years . . .
What are some common emotions and themes you experience during that time?
Did you ever have anyone to talk to about your feelings?
If you did, were there certain topics that were left unspoken?
Do you notice any similarities to what you didn’t get to talk about when you were growing up and how you think about yourself today?
Give it a thought or a quick journaling and see what you come up with!
xo Jen
P.S.
The story above is a culmination of why I’ve created The Confident CEO Mastery Group Coaching Program.
It’s a 4 week group coaching experience designed to help creative, talented, heart-centered women CEO’s, just like you, go from feeling self doubt + imposter syndrome to being the confident, successful bosses of their dream businesses, while experiencing massive fulfillment & freedom in their everyday lives.
In short, I want to support you in the ways that have transformed my life so you can go from self doubt to confident, starting now. Take a peek and just hit reply and leave a comment and let me know if you have any questions :)
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