Releasing Shame To Uncover Your Worth + Confidence
Your worth is already a given.
We each have always been on a level playing field on what we have been gifted within.
A child is born. A bright shining light. Only their joy and self expression and personalities to offer the world.
For the longest time in my life I thought that the relationships people had, the way people looked, acted, and thought, as well as what they were wearing, the houses that they had, and basically everything I could see was based on worth.
As a child I grew up having enough to survive, yet instead of practicing gratitude as a family, the drum beat was the energy of not having enough. Lack. Scarcity. Fear.
In particular, the contrast of living in a wealthy area where I would see the images of a mom and a dad, shiny new cars, outgoing personalities, vacations, and big family get togethers, beautiful, gigantic homes, and so much more of what looked "great" and "perfect".
When I looked at these outside circumstances surrounding me I saw that mine were different .
I lived in an apartment and shared a room with my brother. Our family had little money, my father was absent and didn't support us financially. I had a very small family, more broken relationships than I could ever count that festered into chronic loss, heard a lot of judgment and found myself in the middle of adult conflicts that I tried to solve because I couldn't bear the pain of it.
I wondered what it was about ME that caused my life to go this way and for other people to have it so "good".
Add in the fact that young children go through the developmental stage of thinking, "I am the center of the world" and all of these experiences accumulated into chronic inhibited grieving and perpetual trauma.
I was also an extremely sensitive, intuitive, and aware child....
And there you have it. The perfect storm was created!
I internalized EVERYTHING.
You could say I was a sponge for self-blame. You name it, anything that happened was my fault.
I lived tortured on a moment to moment basis, highly aware of these thoughts from a very young age...embarrassment, insecurity, fear, and believing it was all something I did...and not knowing what to do, how to relieve myself, and how to vocalize what I was going through..
I didn't know the way out. I wasn't meant to know it. I was just a child. But I didn't know that.
I thought it was my worth.
I thought that there was something about me that was causing me to experience such deep pain all of the time.
A life of massive shame bombs felt like what I was destined for.
As time went on it only seemed to get worse. I would constantly be disappointed.
Each hurt would build up upon the other until a massive shame detonation, deep depression, took over for 15 years.
I now understand that this was complicated PTSD. There was no name for it back then and therefore, I remained untreated.
Yet, despite this, there was always something inside that was nudging me forward and asking me to take another step.
Whispers of intuition, grace, wisdom, and a heart that yearned to be opened had me searching for answers to the pain.
All the while "there's something wrong with me. it's my fault" noisily blasted in my mind day in and day out.
It was a mental nightmare along with an incredible ability to keep functioning more consistently than not. Functioning was my way to dissociate and to continue having a high tolerance for discomfort, as well as a really strong resiliency.
There were many, many, moments and times that I felt like I was never going to get through. I tried and did what felt like failed. I felt abandoned by God, the Universe, every adult in my life, every family member. I felt punished when my cat died and like there was some evil force keeping me from having a loving relationship.
I picked myself up off the floor over a thousand times and died another thousand.
I thought it was me. I was unlucky. There had to be something terribly wrong with me.
It wasn't until finally one of my next steps led me to the office doors of a talented therapist (someone who has been in recovery for the same pain) that I started to recognize that all of these excrutiating feelings were actually NOT signs that there was something wrong with me.
Feelings were feelings and didn't mean anything about who I was. Feelings also were a direct result of me reacting to a situation.
I learned more about my situation as well. I learned that I was powerless over the circumstances I was born into. I learned that there are consequences of unhealed trauma and dysfunction and that no child could navigate those turbulent waters and deep black depths by herself.
I learned that who I am is a gifted, brilliant, shining, happy and deeply feeling being who had to shut herself off because getting snuffed out by my surroundings were too many deaths to bear.
It took me 7 years to learn some things about this intellectually. (As well as pile an avalanche more of ungrieved griefs right on top of what felt like an already unsurmountable pile.
It took me almost 8 years to learn this over and over again emotionally. And I still am learning it today. My feelings are still scary but I am grateful that I can feel now.
But I want to share that every little bit, every little shift, has taken me to where that I am now. I can't say that I have reached the point where I am grateful for the abandonment I experienced. I honestly don't feel like my inner child ever could. That's her loss to keep and I'm not taking it from her because it is a badge she bears.
However, my adult self continuously learns over time that struggles can become lessons when I allow myself to ask for help and receive it. That rejections are just signs from the universe that something is not the right fit and isn't jiving, that material items don't represent inner value, that beauty and self acceptance comes from within, that loving relationships are created in direct relation to how much I love the hurting parts of myself...that self care triumphs over all..
I keep taking the shifts forward. Because there is no other way for me to go but up. When your bottom is at a very young age, there is nowhere else to go but up. Even though every step felt like that shaky stair was trying to kill me.
I am not my shame. My shame was just a response to feeling like I couldn't be me.
And with all the releasing and searching, what ends up being left underneath is my worth.
Because I am worthy just for existing. And so are you.
Your worth is a given. There isn't some "in" club like I always thought there was. The popular or the cool kids don't really exist. The perfect family with the white picket fence doesn't exist. The fairytale where only the princess gets the prince doesn't exist. You don't have to be a celebrity to be abundant. And you don't have to have things that other people have to be abundant. Though you can have those things if that is what you so choose.
It IS your birthright and it IS who you are to feel good, even when life hands you a crappy deck that's appears to missing all the aces, kings and queens.
You ARE the Ace, King and Queen all rolled into one.
And if you can't see it, ITS NOT YOUR FAULT! It is the result of the circumstances you have been born into. It was never true and it never will be.
Do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING you can to continuously uncover your worth, the GOLD MINE that you are sitting on and you will have everything you have ever wanted.
Keep finding the next person to help you. Keep asking. Until you find someone who gets you.
Listen to what excites you, what makes you feel good. If you don't know what makes you feel good, start talking about what doesn't. Forget the runor about not being negative. Let it out, don't hold it in. You will naturally feel better and start shifting to having more compassionate thoughts towards yourself.
The message today is...go back inside and dust off that shiny diamond that is you!
What to When You Can't Stop Thinking About Your Past
Hi! My name is Jen Mele of Jennifer Mele.com, Abstract Intuitive artist, inspired teacher & e-course creator.
I teach the philosophies & mindbody Techniques I have used to create a compassionate inner relationship with my wisest Self as well as transform my life from relationships, to business to my body & mind.
This is how I create & sustain an inspired life. by continuously connecting to this inner wisdom which naturally unleashes the unique gifts that make me come alive. And I know the same is true for you. You have your own wise warrior within An inspired life is full of joy, peace, self expression & abundance. It is created by tapping into the unique guidance that can only come from inside of YOU.
Whose afraid of the friendly ghost? Is that how it goes? Casper anyone??
Even if those ghosts weren’t friendly in the least, I’m here to let you know that you don’t have to walk around today fearing those same ghosts are going to return or that you deserve to be haunted by past experiences, choices or mistakes that you’ve made.
If anything, it’s often the people who are aware and have already changed certain behavior or are aware and couldn’t have done something differently that can beat themselves up the most.
Let me repeat that again in another way. It is usually the experiences that we could not change that we beat ourselves up over the most because the constant obsessing, worrying and analyzing makes us FEEL like we are doing something, that it was in our control.
However, than we feel like utter shit because self blame and shame hamster wheels are some of THE worst feelings.
Please do yourself a favor and watch this video where I offer two helpful and compassionate tips on how to stop the past from haunting you so you can live an inspired life joyfully in the present!
[youtube=://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uBGCpAgNgAI&w=854&h=480]
What do you think? Compassion feels so much better doesn't it? And don't be hard on yourself if you are NOT there yet either. You WILL get there.
I'm here for you!
Xo, Jen
"Know Your Bod" Body Awareness Meditation!
Hey guys! It's Jen here from jennifermele.com and I have a little goody for you today to assist you in getting more in touch with your body's wisdom!
Body awareness meditation
The body knows.
Listen to your body
Embodiment
Come into your body
Have you heard these phrases before and not know what they meant?
You aren’t the only one and it’s not your fault that you don’t because most of us have grown up in cultures where we are reinforced for staying “safely” in our heads.
We learn to check out from our bodies and feelings, we escape into our minds where we can hide out.
Unfortunately, without conscious intention to shift out of our heads we will most likely repeat the cycle of staying in them.
Luckily! There are so many ways to develop the security and capacity for coming into our bodies! While we might have not had the control of how we learned to seek refuge in our minds, we can make the choice today to be willing to do things differently.
This meditation is a great start for understanding what it means to check in with your body.
Keep in mind, people fall on a spectrum of balance and the two extremes are 1) not having an awareness of the sensations, feelings and felt experiences in the body and the opposite side of the spectrum is 2) experiencing overwhelm because it appears like there are so many sensations, emotions and felt experiences competing for attention.
Both of these extremes are examples of a nervous system that has been over and under regulated based on life experiences and it is possible with both to come back more towards the center!
Check out my body awareness meditation and let me know what came up for you!
[youtube=://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7HP_uQ2kOBM&w=854&h=480]
Can you pick one thing you noticed?
Did you feel differently before compared to after with the meditation?
I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences!
Do you want to fine tune your Inner Radar with crystal clear clarity for Love, Wealth + Freedom? My Free Start Up Guide Includes my 5 Star Process To Become the Intuitive Rockstar of your #5StarLife! This process transformed my life and is the foundation of everything I do in my life & biz! ⭐️🙌🏼👯♀️
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Slow Down in Forward Fold
I remember when I started yoga, I was still living from my perfectionist, do gooder, all or nothing protective parts. I wasn't even aware of these parts (which I have to say, was quite nice at the time for as most of us know on this journey, ignorance in the short term is bliss).
My first yoga class was at 18 and through my 20's I would practice off and on. Gentle, hatha, ashtanga, yin, flow. I'd take two classes in a row. Feel blissed out afterwards, then check out at home..because that was what I did.
I'd take a yin class, love the way my muscles felt, but the chatter in my brain was so loud and critical and judgmental I eventually stopped going because I couldn't stand the teacher any more.
At the time, I felt like he chatted so much, I couldn't find stillness, I felt overstimulated. I didn't realize at the time his chattiness was competing with my own minds commentary.
So where does a forward fold come in? I have to smile when I think about how much I get out of ONE POSE now.
My previous self would have called me lazy, weak, unmotivated. Luckily, I don't listen to that voice nearly as much anymore. Doing ONE POSE is so completely nourishing, such a great way to listen to the conversation within our bodies between the muscles, emotions, and thoughts. And does it help release!
If you can do an entire sun salutation and stay connected and release, that is wonderful. Keep doing that which feels good. But many of us are on a different stage of the process and we have to start slow to stay connected.
Over time, the nerve connections will start to gel and the mind body will be more integrated and you can "do more" (to satisfy that achieving brain:).
That is if you want to. No presh. But remember, less is more as my Restorative Yoga Teacher always would repeat. There is so much MORE in this moment. So savor it and listen to it for all it's worth.
Feel into the pose completely.
Feel every breath, texture, fiber, and sway of energy and let yourself be immersed in it. This is how we heal. Through releasing as we are connected to the compassionate witness within. This is the true surrender.
Which is why I chose Forward Fold. What's more surrendering than a pose that can be done almost anywhere, by almost anyone, at any given time. What's more releasing than letting whatever you don't want anymore roll off your back, giving it up and sending it off into the earth?
To Forward Fold this Way or To Forward Fold that Way- That is the Only Question :)
Some places to practice!
In a Chair:
At a Desk
Sitting on the floor or on a bolster or blanket
Standing
Enjoy!!
No need for perfectionism
'Be content with learning, and not impatient. We will not be, and cannot be "abruptly lifted up and hurled into reality" (ACIM T-16.VI.8:1). It would terrify us, like a child in kindergarten abruptly being made President, or a first-year piano student being forced to do a solo recital in Carnegie Hall.
Each of us is exactly where we belong, learning just what we need to learn. Let us, then, enter wholeheartedly and joyously into the process, practicing our holy instants, receiving our little glimpses of the real world, each one assuring us of the reality of our goal, and the certainty of its attainment.' ~Allen Watson
I love this. So often in sessions, clients dismiss those special moments of shifts and love, waiting to only give themselves credit when the goal of everlasting happiness is DONE. I do this too. With my own personal work. With my art. Jonesing for an outcome when the fulfillment comes in the now, regardless if it's a beginning, middle or end.
Knowing that we are exactly where we are meant to be and that these glimpses of joy are strengthening our capacity to accept this love is a beautiful way of looking at the process of being patient with where we are at.
Do you want to fine tune your Inner Radar with crystal clear clarity for Love, Wealth + Freedom? My Free Start Up Guide Includes my 5 Star Process To Become the Intuitive Rockstar of your #5StarLife! This process transformed my life and is the foundation of everything I do in my life & biz! ⭐️🙌🏼👯♀️
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Willingness Is All That Is Asked Of Us
Willingness.
Is all that is asked of us.
It is the first step and truly the only step when we don’t know what else to do.
This is the willingness to ACCEPT, without judgment, that there are factors that have created the circumstances that we are in.
This is the willingness to ACKNOWLEDGE that our ego and fear based thinking is running the show.
This is the willingness to SEE, with inner vision, how it is our own choosing of fear over love that perpetuates suffering.
This is the willingness to MAKE THE CHOICE to step out of this identification with fear because it’s just too painful.
This is the willingness to TRUST that there is a higher path of love that is safe, supportive, and guiding us.
This is the willingness to SURRENDER to this love, knowing that we do not and could not do anything anyways.
This is the willingness to TURN OVER EVERYTHING, (thoughts, feelings, confusion, worries, experiences) to that higher state of love, knowing that this is all that is asked of us.
This is the willingness to BELIEVE that love will do the rest.
This is the willingness to BE STILL and wait as long as it takes for love’s answer to come.
This is the willingness to KNOW the only answer is a LOVING RESPONSE.
This is the willingness to do this AS MANY TIMES AS IT TAKES.
Wherever you fall at any given point in your day, you can always step back and be willing. Maybe you aren’t ready to truly look at something, but you could be willing to. Maybe you aren’t ready to forgive that person, but maybe you’d be willing to entertain the thought about it. Maybe you aren’t interested in giving yourself a break permanently, but maybe you’d be willing to..IN.THIS.MOMENT.
To be willing to step out of our comfort zones and try things a different way, a way that sees this life and this world through loving lenses, is the greatest gift we can give ourselves and another.
Interested in experiencing a shift and creating willingness today? How about right now?
Taking in a few deep breaths first, try repeating these words to yourself or out loud:
Do you want to fine tune your Inner Radar with crystal clear clarity for Love, Wealth + Freedom? My Free Start Up Guide Includes my 5 Star Process To Become the Intuitive Rockstar of your #5StarLife! This process transformed my life and is the foundation of everything I do in my life & biz! ⭐️🙌🏼👯♀️
Grab By Clicking on the Image Below!!
