Breaking Down Imposter Syndrome: The Energy Leak of Denial. How it Helps and Keeps Us Stuck in Life and Biz

Deny, Deny, Deny. 

One of my many, many, coagulated defaults. No shame here about it. 

I needed this ability like I needed air to breathe and water to live. It was impossible for me to accept my circumstances growing up because a child isn’t meant to do that sort of thing alone, so my biology tried all the trigger settings we universally find in our nervous systems:

Be more open and loving (first biological response to pain)

When that doesn’t work: retreat, flee or get away

(though where’s a child really supposed to go?) OR fight (what to do when justified anger and rage isn’t acceptable?) 

The default is to then go into FREEZE. Deer in headlights. No where to run. Not possible to fight. The body and nervous system go offline in order to dull out such intense levels of energy that have nowhere to go. 

If this happens repeatedly over time?

Feeling and sensation, while just beneath the surface, disappear. Numbness, dissociation, detachment and emptiness become the figural form as identity.

All the previous layers become the ground, looming like sharks in dark waters ready to break through the surface at any moment yet unable to surface within the ever increasing pressurized cook of this holding pattern. 

How does one live with this in the world?

Fawn, Submit, People Please, Caretake

Living life like this is a way to function in a world that still at large has no idea about any of these stages. And what becomes of it? 

Walking, disembodied zombie parts, parts living for others needs and not their own, perfectionist parts that continuously feel on review, hyper vigilant parts that continuously scan for danger, robot parts that mechanically view the world without feeling love in their hearts. 

These parts become the PERSON we take into the world

when our bodies grow into adults and these child parts remain unattended to. 

These parts influence our relationships, our interactions, our day to day life, our businesses and as a result the entire world. 

We use to thing to deny something meant it went away. It doesn’t.

It only appears to go away yet, as mentioned above, remains lurking beneath the surface, influencing every decision and action we take as a human race. 

Deny. Deny. Deny.

If you are still doing it. There’s a good reason.

There was an incredible reason you learned how to do it. You needed it. 

But souls inhabiting adult bodies must learn (over tremendous, dedicated, meticulously detailed time) that healing is necessary and has to happen: that there is a wise friend (YOU) on your side. 

You have to face the pain. You have to listen deeply on the inside to what these parts didn’t get. To the debilitating process of defaulting over and over again. To the devastating experience of living life offline. To truly live now, we have to give words back to the child who had no words to the loss of being alive. This is your one job. This job alone will naturally change your life and change the world. 

Love, Jen 

P.S I hope you enjoyed this article! Please like and share with those who will find it helpful :)

And if you’ve found yourself doing the continuous head nod during this post, you may find my Confident CEO Assessment helpful.

It will assess the 4 areas where Imposter Syndrome shows up, one of them being TIME!

P.P.S. We’ve got a lovely group of women already invested in the November Confident CEO Mastery 4 week class “Let go of Self Doubt + Step Into Your Calling”. It starts this Monday, November 5th!

It’s such an important course I’ve created.

You have gifts.

They are meant to be shared.

Period.

If you are finding that second guessing yourself, indecision and fear of visibility are affecting you from rising up into your full self, check out all the details for this November here: bit.ly/CEOMasteryExperience ⭐️🙌🏼

How to recognize + let go of self consciousness while running a business

As a teen, I always felt like I needed to prove myself. 

I didn’t see myself. I didn’t believe in myself. I felt safest being useful, hypervigilant & stoic.

I was confused and self conscious with a need to fit in and compare myself with others.

Can you relate??

All of my clients eventually crack into their inner teenager at some point. 

Why? 

Because it's a super difficult age where everyone is self conscious but pretends not to be. 

Because most teens don't know that adolescence is awkward and uncomfortable.

And because we all end up storing this experience in our nervous system because we most likely didn't receive guidance ushering us through it .

Or weren't given the skills and understanding on how to navigate it.

Did you know the teenage brain doesn’t have a fully formed complex thinking capability to step back from intense emotions?

In addition to the normal discomfort that came along with being a teenager, I actually wasn’t being seen. Many of us aren't. 

I didn't have anyone to talk to about my feelings. 

My brain was processing things developmentally at a new level and I didn't know how to interpret all the information (boys, self doubt, shame, depression, family expectations, progressive family dysfunction). 

And I wasn't supposed to know how! 

I would be nominated for the gifted & talented program, win awards, have boys asking me out and because what was on the INSIDE wasn’t being seen, I couldn't absorb any of it.

I became a shell filled with worry, overthinking, shame and doubt. It didn’t matter how many successes I had or how things might have looked on the outside, it wasn’t possible for me to see myself clearly.

The doubt & shame were like big funhouse tinted mirrors that distorted my entire world. And yet, simultaneously, they kept telling me it was my fault.

You might be wondering...

What does my teenage self have to do with showing up and being confident in business?

It actually has EVERYTHING to do with it. 

I carried these ways of thinking for decades and found that these same patterns showed up in my jobs, in my relationships and definitely prevented me from getting visible earlier.

Long after my teenage years, I still felt like that same young girl who kept trying to show up, yet felt unfulfilled, stuck and trapped. 

"What if I try this out and no one cares or wants to participate in my courses and retreats?"

"What if I keep spending money on trainings and I still get nowhere? "

"What if I get my hopes up again? There's probably no point because I'm just going to be disappointed"

"I'm just not cut out for this."

"I'm never going to figure this out."

The thoughts felt like an engine constantly running and sputtering beneath the surface.

The questions and the worries went on and on. I was caught in a self doubt cycle that I didn't know how to stop.

How do I stop feeling this way?
Why am I still thinking about that conversation?
How can I possibly share that?

What would it be like if I could just feel comfortable in my own skin?

Of course, then I’d burn out and have an emotional hangover of exhaustion, because I'd run out of fuel due to high intensity obsessive thought exertion and there was no adrenaline left to keep my body going. 

It wasn't until:

I learned how to take care of her, how to release those old rules and fake lies about needing to hide that things started to shift.

I found a mentor who got me, who saw me, when no one else could see me and showed me the way to heal and the freedom to be myself.

I was given a clear step by step path to follow and the support to take me through the spiral of healing I would revisit continuously.

Take a moment to think back to your teenage years . . .

What are some common emotions and themes you experience during that time?

Did you ever have anyone to talk to about your feelings?

If you did, were there certain topics that were left unspoken?

Do you notice any similarities to what you didn’t get to talk about when you were growing up and how you think about yourself today?

Give it a thought or a quick journaling and see what you come up with!

xo Jen

P.S.

The story above is a culmination of why I’ve created The Confident CEO Mastery Group Coaching Program.

It’s a 4 week group coaching experience designed to help creative, talented, heart-centered women CEO’s, just like you, go from feeling self doubt + imposter syndrome to being the confident, successful bosses of their dream businesses, while experiencing massive fulfillment & freedom in their everyday lives.

In short, I want to support you in the ways that have transformed my life so you can go from self doubt to confident, starting now. Take a peek and just hit reply and leave a comment and let me know if you have any questions :)

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